September 20th, 2005

Current Music: No doubt-Return to saturn Subject: watcha think? Time: 09:10 pm Current Mood: busy

Ok here is the deal I need something new done to my hair I was thinking about growing my hair out really long or chopping it off like this I am sick you...Leave me alone stop commenting on my journals..In the words of your fav band "your words dont mean shit to me "

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September 19th, 2005

Time: 06:45 pm

you know its funny everytime i find someone i like and makes me smile and can actually be myself around it doesnt turn out good wats so ever and makes me soo sad... iam backing down... its hard ..i never back down.,, but its something that i have to accoplish... iam going to see if something good comes to me for once but i doubt it... I miss christopher.... He will always be the one that has my heart and its soo hard to get over him

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Time: 04:49 pm

WTF.... I am soo fustrated with people....

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September 18th, 2005

Time: 11:52 pm Current Mood: confused

why is my heart sooo used?

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September 15th, 2005

Current Music: hed pe-The whold cd BROKE Subject: VENTING Time: 11:25 am Current Mood: gloomy

Its funny just when you have shit figured out . you get a slap in the face and relize you dont...All of my life I have learned to do the best with what i have...money wise.. and I just thought i had everything figured out then fricking sprint slaped me in the face.... they cant figure out shit.. they are soo stupid this is the 2nd time they screwed me since i got this phone and it hasnt been long at all.. I HATE asking my mom for money i abosulty hate it... I wish stuff went and came easy for me but it doesnt and I havent dealt with that yet.... I have a job i cut the grass for 30 bucks a week and then mom pays my phone bill and gives me a coupleof xtra bucks here and there to go do things or go shopping... yes it all sounds perfectly fine but its not ... My checks arent enough to pay my insurance and get me gas for the whole month soo i can go and do stuff...I am gettin so frustrated.. like iam getting to the point where iam soo close from going over the edge in frustration and i have no idea what to do ... I wish someone could pay the 70 dollers in my insurance and ill pay the hundread ... yes my insurance for my car is 170 a month ... that would be soo much more easier on me... But nana and pappy already bought me the car and my mom is paying for my phone bill so iam fucking clueless on what to do really iam ... I need my fucking father to help out or something... I need it bad.. he doesnt do shit at all.... he hasnt since day one and it hurts sooo bad ...I hide it soo much ,... but the fact he doesnt do nething...and never did or will is painful not just finacally but emotionally to ... I just wish my mom and i could take out the lucky dollar that we have in her visor and has been there since we moved back here... I have no idea... I jsut wish i had more cash flow it frustrates me soo much .. I have evrything but at the sametime when i dont have money it feels like I have nothing... it worries me... this isnt supposed to sound greedy iam not greedy ... I dont care if i cant go do things its me being worried about payiong bills or weither i have enough gas to make it  to work and school..

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September 13th, 2005

Time: 07:35 pm Current Mood: weird

I wish I knew but i dont.. I hate knowing that the perfect guy is out there and I will never have him ........

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September 12th, 2005

Current Music: NONE-Surprise surprise Time: 08:15 pm Current Mood: sleepy

I have no cavities <3 yay!! Like the first time in EVER .. mu hhahahaha ya iam a loser i get excited about not having ne cavities .... Hmm yes.. it was time for me to update soo yes.. umm the past 2 nights i have been in westland hanging with danny.. FUN!! It is like non-stop smiles...we make each other laugh soo much it crazy and Iam going out there tomarrow night..ya umm My english teacher likes to give us like4782343478687465082340568 assignments she is nuts.. soo iam sitting here doing homework with my nice clean NO CAVITY teeth .... woot woot... there soo smooth ..... rrgjknhvjlkrpghgndfklfjsdkl;rjweo[ruikngdfjkgirtro'admsankmvnkfhgoeri.....yup really thats how i roll..... OMG iam soo tired i didnt get home till like 2 last night and had to wake up soo early for class... RAWR

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September 9th, 2005

Time: 08:42 am

Its to early and i have to work from 10:15 2 9 tonight OMG I dont think iam going to be able to make it ...

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September 7th, 2005

Current Music: Avrial Lavinge -All my cds are in my car leave me alone Subject: ...... Time: 04:32 pm Current Mood: irritated

Yes ..Iam exhausted already ..and i just had all my classes 1 time lol .. I relize I have no money whats so ever.. I am poor all i have is money for gas 1 time a week *( if iam lucky) and my car insurance thats it bottom line.  No smokes no going out for dinner no going out... Nothing ..mommy said she was going to pay my cell phone bill for another year. Score I love my mommy... I need clothes SOOOOOO bad... more then anything right now like have 3 pairs of jeans and there falling apart lol ... rawr.. I need my hair done more then anything... I never went this long with out have my hair done and ya it sorda sucks butt ...iam going through a emotional roller coaster and ya... I am not going to say nemore about that cause its sorda about someone and ya really dont want to get in to it.Iam in desperate need of soe cash flow... Like a new job that sounds god to me to ... any suggestions ? I am going to go crazy ... I looke at my favorite  stores online thinking that will make me get stuff quicker ... But nope I dont know what the hell that is going to do ....

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September 4th, 2005

Time: 10:11 pm Current Mood: blank

If I’m not in love with you What is this I’m going through Tonight And if my heart is lying then What should I believe in Why do I go crazy Every time I think about you, baby Why else do I want you like I do If I’m not in love with you And if I don’t need your touch Why do I miss you so much Tonight If it’s just infatuation then Why is my heart aching To hold you forever Give a part of me I thought I’d never Give again to someone I could lose If I’m not in love with you Why in every fantasy Do I feel your arms embracing me Lovers lost in sweet desire Why in dreams do I surrender Lying with you baby Someone help explain this feeling Someone tell me If I’m not in love with you What is this I’m going through Tonight And if my heart is lying then what should I believe in Why do I go crazy Every time I think about you baby Why else do I want you like I do If I’m not in love with you

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Time: 07:57 pm Current Mood: frustrated

when will we be able to have a fricking converstaion ?

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Time: 05:28 pm Current Mood: uncomfortable

RAWR!!

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Subject: Scared.. Time: 01:39 pm Current Mood: scared

I am soo scared iam going to be single the rest of my life...That is the biggest fear that i have I am not scared of the future. I am scared lving the future by myself.. I know everyone has these fears but seriously for some reason I cant hold a relationship for more then 6 months it falls apart always... it always end s with them cheating on me!!! I just wish i could find someone that would stay with me no matter what ,... and want to be with me because they really want to and think iam the one.. I dont know... It just hit me really hard today... I dont know i have to many worries about that and need to stop but i cant i always been like that ... ALWAYS...

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September 2nd, 2005

Subject: KATHY Time: 07:00 pm

Yes yes... kat and i were talking and i think i might go to washington to visit her cute lil butt I miss her tons and tons.... we are going to split the cost of the ticket and soo it wont be to BLAH .. ya know iam excited hopefully it works but tickets are like mad crazy expensive like 413 buts round trip .... hopefully it works out though cuase i miss that girl like crazy

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September 1st, 2005

Time: 10:37 pm Current Mood: frustrated

I dont know what to do ... I want to help this but its soo hard.. it seems like I dont know my mouth is shut.....

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Subject: continued Time: 09:45 am Current Mood: sore

Ok i so dont want to be up with now but hey thats life...Well i went to the jack johnson with dee andy and vikki well this concert was soo like last mintue for mke cause they called me to go when there were right oni my streeet and i had no time to change whats so ever REDICULOUS!! well just to let you all klnow i can finally pee outside .... i was so proud of myself i thought i was going to pee all over my self but i didnt!!!!! yay! There were these t bitches at the show vikki and i almost popped them one ... I called her a bitch and she is like I know ,, it was quite funn considering i was ready to rumble...well like 2 songs to the end dee and vikki went to go get a shirt all I had was my debit card on me soo I was screwed so me and my sisters husband watched the last 2 songs and went to try and find the girls well andy was frink SMASHED... and I was a lil disoriented He gave me the nickname debit master because i only had my debit card on me but that one me a ticket for 5 free beers .....oh and a water..... :) we got lost on the way back and went to taco bell and thats that PEACE iam runnnign late for work jsut soo i could wrtie this

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Subject: Jack Johnson Time: 12:46 am Current Mood: drunk

Just got home from the jack johnson concert Fun..... I am a lil tipsy ... free drinks free concert what more could u want?? well we got in the place where the concert was then i fell right on my face fucking holes in the ground and stained my jeans....this concert wasnt planned for me considering i have to work tomarrow... omg ill up date tomarrow i have to work tomarrow morning AQWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW I locve my sister and her husband!!

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August 30th, 2005

Time: 03:27 pm

I used to make the light shine for you, The sun has left my sky. Velvet walls surround my sorrows, I've sacrificed my pride. Giving up on me, You're giving up on me Giving up on me, You're giving up on me. I've laid myself to sleep tonight I know you've played out everything in your mind. And now you throw it all away, A shattered memory that you would stay. Through thick and thin with me, You're giving up on me. Giving up on me, You're giving up on me Giving up on me, You're giving up on me. I lied myself to sleep tonight I know, you've played out every line in your mind And now you throw it all away A shattered memory that you would stay Through thick and thin with me. And when you feel the pain, I'm wishing I could stay. How can I say I love you back, You never made me happy. You've laid yourself to sleep! I never said this wouldn't hurt. You gave up everything! I never said I'd give it back. I know! (I know!) You'll never change! I won't be good enough for you. I know! (I know!) You'll make it through, I'll never be around to see. And now you throw it all away A shattered memory that you would stay Through thick and thin with me. You're giving up on me [x4]

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Time: 09:55 am Current Mood: bitchy

Put me down for somehting I did in both of our interests....You know if you loved me as a person like you said you did why would you be soo upset?I dont understand why friendship cant be involved and everything has to turn into to chaos with you ... sit here and call me a liar and that iam goign to burn in hell but i have never lied...ever....But you lied..you said i was your first priority when i know i wasnt Poker is and always will be.I never once saw a life building around poker...and there is life beyond poker believe it or not...and iam sorry that you dont think your good enough becuase i have freidns that are guys that i talk to and when i tlak to them u think there next...Iam sorry that i have goals for myself and want to reach them byu the time iam 25... whatever iam done i dont need to explain my self its not worth it if u sit here and mad mouth me and dont repect my decsion

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August 29th, 2005

Time: 09:44 pm

I did it for me.... ...broke up with josh it is..

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